


(if you just) hold on

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 11:44:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pete's a little lost and a little scared, but it's going to be okay.





	(if you just) hold on

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short vent fic about asexuality  
> (also, why do all of my vent fics involve Pete being upset and Joe fixing it?)

“Holy shit,” Joe says, throwing his arm above his head and letting it flop down onto the pillow above his head. “That was… holy shit.”   
  
“Yeah,” Pete replies. He reaches for the corner of the blanket from where it’s ended up on the ground and pulls it over himself. “Wow.”

His head kind of hurts, which he normally blames on dehydration, but he kind of has to pee so that can’t be it this time. It’s like…   _ if your brain could get nauseous,  _ he thinks, and then realizes that oh, he just actually feels nauseous. Huh.

  
Pete curls in on himself a little bit under the blanket, aware that he’s turned away from Joe but not really caring.

“Hey, you okay?” Joe’s voice sounds strangely loud in the silent bedroom; Pete flinches. 

“Yeah, of course,” Pete says. Why wouldn’t he be okay? He just had amazing sex with his boyfriend. “I’m just tired.”

Joe laughs a little. “Sleeping  _ does _ sound pretty nice right now.” He rolls onto his side and wraps an arm around Pete, who sinks into the touch despite the way his entire body seems to be protesting.

He doesn’t know why he feels like this. It’s the first time they’ve had sex in months, he should be happy, should be enjoying the fucking afterglow everyone always talks about, but Pete just feels sick. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick, hang on,” he blurts out, slipping out from under Joe’s arm and grabbing a pair of boxers as he almost runs into the bathroom and locks the door. 

Pete catches his own eyes in the mirror and closes them immediately.  _ Get your shit together,  _ he tells himself.  _ It’s just sex. You  _ like  _ sex. You  _ like  _ Joe. What the fuck is your problem?  _

He opens his eyes slowly and sits back against the door, sliding down until he’s sitting on the floor. Pete knows exactly what his problem is, he’s known for a while, but that can’t be  _ his  _ problem. He can’t be… 

Pete stops himself before he can finish the sentence, but the word he’s been running from for months now still floats out into his thoughts.  _ Asexual.  _

He’s not. He’s had sex so many times, and it’s been fine, even if he hasn’t understood the big hype around it, and he gets off to porn like any other guy, and yet. Yet he’s been avoiding Joe’s casual suggestions for months, he’s been so much more comfortable just jerking off when Joe’s not home, he’s been more than happy with a few kisses and Netflix rather than anything more. 

He’s not asexual, and yet. Yet he might be. 

Pete’s a member of a couple of forums now, he knows his way around the terminology and he  _ knows  _ that asexuality is a spectrum, that people can be ace and still enjoy porn, still have kinks, and just not want anyone else involved in their sex life. And he  _ knows  _ that that sounds a lot like him. 

He’s not, though, he can’t be. And even if he is, it’s not like he could ever tell Joe. What kind of person is just fine with their boyfriend telling them he doesn’t want to have sex with them ever? 

“Pete? Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been in there for almost ten minutes, baby, I’m worried about you.”   


Pete swallows hard. Why does Joe have to be so perfect when Pete is so…. not? “I’m fine, don’t worry,” he calls back, realizing too late that he didn’t actually come up with an excuse. 

“Can I come in?” Joe persists. 

“I just want to be alone right now,” Pete says.  _ Shit,  _ he thinks a second later, because now Joe knows something’s up, and he’s going to keep asking Pete about it, and Pete’s going to have to talk to him about it, and Joe’s going to hate Pete and leave and - 

“Please, Pete, I’m sorry if I did something, fuck, are you hurt, please just let me in.” Joe’s voice is shaky with worry as he shakes the locked doorknob slightly, and the sound breaks Pete’s heart enough for him to unlock the door and move out of the way. 

Joe steps into the bathroom cautiously, looking unsurprised at the sight of Pete on the floor as he crouches down. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“I-” Pete’s voice chooses that moment to completely abandon him, and he’s left to just throw his arms around Joe and hold him as tightly as possible as he starts to cry. 

“Shit, Pete, baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, fuck, is there anything I can do?”

Pete just holds onto Joe harder, his face in the crook of Joe’s neck as he forces himself to stop crying. “You didn’t hurt me,” he finally forces out. “I’m okay, I’m just - not great at the moment, I think.”

Joe sits back slightly, keeping a hand on Pete’s, and says, “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m - “ Pete stops, takes an unsteady breath. There are a couple possible excuses running through his head, but it’s the truth that he somehow ends up blurting out. “I think I’m asexual.”

_ Shit,  _ he thinks as soon as the word slips out, and he’s trying to stand up and just get out of there before he has to see Joe’s face, and he  _ really  _ feels like he’s going to be sick now, and then Joe’s gently pulling him back down. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Joe says softly. “Hey, that’s okay, you’re okay, baby. I think we’re gonna have to talk about this later, but if you can’t right now, that’s okay.”   


Pete nods, letting himself get folded into Joe’s arms once more, and he just breathes there for a moment. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. They’re going to have to talk and that’s going to be scary and Pete’s still afraid that Joe’s going to leave, but right now, it’s okay. It’s okay.

“I love you, no matter what,” Joe murmurs. “There’s nothing you could say that would ever change that.”

“I love you,” Pete says, voice slightly choked up, and it’s okay. They’re going to be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm orphaning this as soon as I post it, but I'll still stop by and read comments if you have any feedback!


End file.
